From ESPN
"If you're coming to get me, can you bring me some smokes?"
-- A 33-year-old resident of Lundar, Manitoba, who was told he would be arrested after repeatedly calling 911 to demand that the NHL return to Winnipeg
Page 2 spin: In a stunning turn, alcohol apparently was involved.
"Its a official dat i am leavin skool and enterin draft. ... i aint doin anotha yr."
-- Oklahoma point guard Tommy Mason-Griffin, declaring his career choice via Facebook
Page 2 spin: School will always be there, but you'd better take the opportunity to play in the D-League when it's available.
"Are you the stripper?"
-- A security guard at the Masters, to a female spectator
Page 2 spin: Guards at the tournament actually carried sheets with the mug shots of Tiger Woods' alleged mistresses in order to prevent potential disturbances. We thought only the TSA resorted to such tactics.
"Nobody is going to ask what Andray [Blatche] did to deserve it."
-- Magic guard Gilbert Arenas, on defecating in a former teammate's shoe
Page 2 spin: Lo and behold, someone did ask Arenas, and here's how he answered.
"I'm addicted to perfection. Problem with my life is I was always also addicted to chaos. Perfect chaos."
-- Former heavyweight champion Mike Tyson
Page 2 spin: As it turns out, Perfect Chaos is the name of a Finnish death metal band. So there's that.
"I had sex yesterday. With some of the moves I did -- I should be fine."
-- Bengals wide receiver Chad Ochocinco, on testing out his injured left knee
Page 2 spin: Even Chan Ho Park doesn't seem candid by comparison.
"Flopped out my old fella."
-- New Zealand lawn bowler David File, on exposing himself to teammates because they were playing poorly
Page 2 spin: Those Kiwis really have a way with words.
"The white stuff is not mine, but the weed is."
-- Florida resident Raymond Stanley Roberts, denying to police that cocaine found in his buttocks belonged to him
Page 2 spin: Hope you've got a good attorney, dude.
"It's kind of mind-blowing. I had my mom, my aunt and my two cousins in the stands. The first ball went to my mom, the second ball went to my aunt and the next thing you knew, everybody had a ball."
-- Redskins cornerback DeAngelo Hall, on intercepting four Jay Cutler passes in one game
Page 2 spin: The Redskins subsequently presented Hall with the game ball, but he instead gave it to defensive coordinator Jim Haslett, saying, "I've got enough balls."
"It's not like the selection of women is off the charts here."
-- Unnamed Oklahoma City Thunder player
Page 2 spin: Sounds like a perfect market for a Lingerie Football League expansion team!
"We do not play the Little Sisters of the Poor."
-- Ohio State president E. Gordon Gee, ripping the schedules of programs such as TCU and Boise State
Page 2 spin: Considering that the Buckeyes played Marshall, Ohio and Eastern Michigan this season, playing the Little Sisters of the Poor probably would've boosted Ohio State's strength of schedule.
"I'm proud of my players for doing that. This was the best team building exercise we have ever done."
-- Texas A&M-Commerce football coach Guy Morriss, on his players stealing every copy of the school paper because it contained an article about teammates getting arrested on drug charges
Page 2 spin: We can picture the cover of the recruiting guide now: "Texas A&M-Commerce Football -- We won't necessarily keep you out of trouble, but we'll do our best to cover it up."
"I do understand the lure of the maple bars."
-- Seahawks coach Pete Carroll, on wide receiver Golden Tate trespassing into a gourmet doughnut shop at 3 a.m.
Page 2 spin: Indeed, there are far worse ways to trespass.
"If he was charged with being a colossal a--hole, I would find him guilty. Of assault causing bodily harm, I find him not guilty."
-- Prince Edward Island Judge John Douglas, on junior hockey player Chris Doyle
Page 2 spin: If Page 2 ever launches a sports version of "The People's Court," we've already found a magistrate.
"If you send a woman a picture of your junk, it should be humongous. ... That's one of the Ten Commandments."
-- Basketball Hall of Famer Charles Barkley, on the Brett Favre cell phone photo controversy
Page 2 spin: Barkley's mouth should get its own plaque at the Hall of Fame.
"I told you, I was shaving."
-- Indiana woman Megan Barnes, to a Florida state trooper who asked her why she didn't apply the brakes before causing an auto accident
Page 2 spin: Barnes was apparently shaving her bikini line while driving and enlisted a passenger, her ex-husband, to hold the wheel. Meantime, she was on her way to visit her boyfriend in Key West. Umm, moving on ...
"Every second I'm talking to you is another second I'm not at Waffle House."
-- Tennessee forward Wayne Chism, on talking to the media
Page 2 spin: If Page 2's Quotes of the Year was a tournament, the Volunteers would be a No. 1 seed. Easily.
"What do I know about college football? I look like Orville Redenbacher. I have no business talking about college football."
-- Ohio State president E. Gordon Gee, backpedaling from the comment that landed him at No. 24 on this list
Page 2 spin: You'll get no argument here ... on either point.
"My life is like a tornado, a f---ing hurricane. It's like I'm a naked tornado that comes through a city and there's just so much wreckage. There's so much destruction, and when it's finally over, it's like the morning after and you're sober and ... what the f--- happened here?"
-- Former heavyweight champion Mike Tyson
Page 2 spin: Henry Wadsworth Longfellow. Walt Whitman. Mike Tyson.
I like Mike Tyson's two quotes, Barkley's as well as Chad Ochocinco's.
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